Everyone feels frustration, anger, anxiety and disappointment at work. Emotions are information: they tell us something matters. The difficulty comes when we act on them before we have thought, and say or send something we cannot take back.
The aim is not to stop feeling. It is to create a gap between the trigger and the response.
01
Know your triggers and signs
| Emotion | Typical triggers for me | Early signs in my body and behaviour |
|---|---|---|
| Frustration or anger | ||
| Anxiety or fear | ||
| Disappointment or sadness | ||
| Embarrassment or shame |
Common triggers include feeling stuck, being treated unfairly, things not going as expected, criticism, and a sense of losing control or status. Early signs might be a tight jaw, a hot face, a racing heart, typing faster or going quiet.
02
Pause, check, choose
- PauseNotice the signs. Take a slow breath, step away, or delay your reply.
- Name itPut a word to what you feel. “This is frustration.”
- Check the factsWhat actually happened? What am I assuming? What else could explain it?
- ChooseWhat response would I be glad of tomorrow?
Checking the facts is a technique from dialectical behaviour therapy. It works because strong emotions tend to fill gaps with the worst interpretation.
Try it on a recent situation.
| What happened (facts only) | What I assumed | Other explanations | What I will do |
|---|---|---|---|
Good rules of thumb:
- Do not send an email written in anger. Draft it, then wait an hour.
- Venting repeatedly tends to strengthen anger rather than release it. Talk it through with someone, then move on to what you can do.
- If you are dealing with someone you find difficult, stay courteous and stick to the work. You can be assertive without being hostile.