Managers are often the first to see that something has changed, sometimes before the person has noticed themselves. You do not need to know what is wrong, or to diagnose anything. Your role is to notice, to ask, and to point towards the right support.
What matters is change: someone behaving differently from their own usual pattern, rather than differently from everyone else.
01
What to look for
| Work | Behaviour | Attendance and routine |
|---|---|---|
| Missed deadlines or more mistakes than usual | Withdrawn, quieter in meetings | More short absences, or lateness |
| Difficulty concentrating or deciding | Irritable, tearful or unusually sensitive to feedback | Working very late, or never taking leave |
| Over-checking, or taking much longer than usual | Conflict with colleagues | Logging on at unusual hours |
| Loss of interest in work they used to enjoy | Changes in appearance or energy | Avoiding the office, or social events they used to attend |
What have you noticed? Stick to what you have seen, not what you assume.
| What I have noticed | Since when | Usual pattern for this person |
|---|---|---|
02
Opening the conversation
Choose somewhere private, and a time when neither of you is rushing. Then:
- “I’ve noticed you seem a bit [quieter / more stretched] than usual lately. How are things?”
- “How are you doing, really?” (Asking twice tells people you mean it.)
- “Is there anything at work that’s making things harder at the moment?”
- “There’s no pressure to talk about it. I just want you to know I’m here if it would help.”
Avoid:
- Guessing at a diagnosis or labelling what is wrong.
- Jumping straight to solutions, or to your own experience.
- Promising confidentiality you might not be able to keep if there is a risk to safety.
03
What next?
| What we agreed | Support I pointed to | When I will check in again |
|---|---|---|