In 1968 the psychiatrist Stephen Karpman described three roles people fall into when working relationships get strained: the Rescuer, the Persecutor and the Victim. He called it the drama triangle. Teams move around it every day without noticing.
Managers are especially prone to the Rescuer role. Stepping in, covering and fixing feel like good management, and in the moment they often are. Over time they keep people dependent, leave the manager carrying everything, and stop the team building its own capability.
01
The three roles at work
| Role | What it looks like at work | How it can sound |
|---|---|---|
| Rescuer | Redoing work, absorbing problems, always being the one who sorts it | “Leave it with me.” “It’s quicker if I do it.” |
| Persecutor | Blame, criticism, micromanaging, keeping score | “Why is this wrong again?” “I can’t trust anyone with this.” |
| Victim | Helplessness, feeling hard done by, waiting for rescue | “There’s nothing I can do.” “Nobody tells me anything.” |
The roles feed each other. A Rescuer needs someone to rescue, which keeps that person in the Victim role. When the Rescuer runs out of capacity, they often tip into frustration (Persecutor) or feeling overwhelmed and unsupported (Victim).
02
Where does your team get stuck?
03
Stepping out
In 1990 Acey Choy described the winner’s triangle: an alternative to each role that solves problems rather than keeping them going.
| Instead of | Try | For example |
|---|---|---|
| Rescuer | Caring: coach people to solve it themselves | “What have you considered? What would help you take the next step?” |
| Persecutor | Assertive: be clear about what needs to change, without blame | “This needs to be different next time. Let’s agree how.” |
| Victim | Vulnerable: name the difficulty and ask for help | “I’m at capacity on this. Can we look at priorities?” |
Exercise
For managers
The relationship in my team that most often goes round the triangle:
The role I usually take in it, and what it costs:
What I will do differently next time: